MICHELLEISMS

As I watched Oprah the other day I had what she would describe as an “aha” moment and thought to myself… ‘it coulda been me on that stage’. Oprah’s guests that day included a group of women who’d unknowingly dated the same man. They ranged in age, race and financial status but all had one thing in common: they’d all contacted HIV from their relationship with some guy named “Phillipe”.  Each woman took their turn detailing specifics about her dealings with Phillipe. One recalled how her man would spend certain days with her and then disappear. Another revealed that she was his neighbor and how he woo’d her by cutting her grass and doing things around the house. Another spoke of having just divorced after a 20 year marriage and meeting this “too good to be true” gentleman who made her feel special. There was even a 60-something year old lady who met “Phillipe” at a social club and allowed him to make her feel youthful and wanted.

The gangsta of the group (and Phillipe’s worst nightmare) was a woman he’d moved in with. He originally lavished her with gifts and vacations but eventually fell on hard times and she offered to help him with a few things like health insurance & his cell phone bill…even allowing him to work for her.  When she discovered he’d given her an STD, she was the one who searched his phone records for any other women he’d infected. She found not one…but over 10 other women.

My “aha” moment occured while listening to each account. I’ve been woo’d by material things in the past and felt that I could OVERLOOK a few things since he was treating me so well.  Things are always great in the early months of a relationship but I’ve found myself making excuses for unacceptable behavior just because the person I was dating at the time was what I considered to be my “dream man.” As I listened intently to the show, I suddenly felt an affinity towards each and every one of those woman onstage and my heart broke as other women in the audience berated them.

As women, we love the idea of love. And sometimes our ideal man…you know the one. Tall, dark, handsome & debonair, who’s well spoken, well dressed and who’s cologne gives you chills. Yeah… That dude. He’s sometimes short, light and soft-spoken, and smells like lever 2000.  Our optimism with love and relationships doesn’t quell with age but it’s never too late to re-evaluate our wants and needs.

I’ve been “re-evaluating” since ending my last relationship and my focus is constantly changing. What I’m finding out about myself lately is that some of those things I was searching for in a mate, I already have in me.  I make no apologies for loving who I love and/or loved but I also take full responsibility for choosing to accept bad behavior in the past. We live and we learn and I thank God everyday that I didn’t contract HIV or any other STD from any of my former flames. Unlike those women on stage, I dodged that deadly weapon but their stories coulda very well been mine.

I wish I could find the full video of that show, but I haven’t been able to locate it. If you missed it, you can read the full details about that Oprah episode HERE.